Mencoba kembali blogging setelah sekian lama overwhelmed karena kuliah, kerja, dan keambisiusan untuk segera S2.

Kerasa banget, sekarang udah 2 bulan kerja dan ngekos di Surabaya. Sudah 2 bulan juga, tiap bangun buat sholat shubuh, setelahnya mata masih tetep mentereng nggak bisa tidur. Padahal kalo di Malang, habis sholat shubuh bisa tidur lagi sampe 30 menit sebelum siap-siap buat berangkat kerja. *Menghela nafas panjang*

Karena mata tetep melek, alhasil cuma bisa killing time dengan buka Instagram, terus scroll sampe postingan terakhir yang kemarin udah dilihat. Lanjut buka Path, scroll. Udah, gitu terus sampe jam 7. Tapi tapi tapi....hari ini ada yang sedikit beda. Sebenernya skemanya hampir sama: Sholat shubuh-melek-buka Instagram, scroll-buka Path,scroll..daaaan stop di sebuah moment. Salah satu sahabat checked in sama posting foto sambil dikasih caption: "Tayang-tayangkuu". Disitu ada sih keterangan tagged friendsnya. Oh, ternyata dia pergi sama sahabat yang lain. Oh, dia pergi sama si ini. But wait! Siapa nih si ini? Nggak pernah tau. Setelah mengingat-ingat beberapa detik, oh, si ini itu yang kemarin juga ikut meet up. 

Hati udah ngerasa nggak enak banget. Perasaan campur aduk. Rasanya sebel lihat sahabat bisa meet up sama sahabat yang lain. Rasanya sebel banget lihat caption yang so intimate dan aku nggak termasuk di dalamnya. Rasanya pengen marah lihat ada orang lain yang nggak tau siapa itu, ada di postingan itu, menjadi bagian dalam caption, dan yang paling penting..bisa meet up sama mereka. I do feel like "Girl, sincerely, you have stolen mine. And girl, honestly, you don't fucking deserve that".

Tapi..kalo dipikir-pikir lagi, aku emang nggak punya hak buat sebel ataupun marah. Karena aku sendiri yang bilang kalo aku nggak punya uang. Aku nggak punya uang *echoing million times*
Yah, sebenernya punya sih uang, tapi cuma cukup buat primary needs. *Menghela nafas panjang*

Now, siapa yang lancang nan nyinyir bilang "Money can't buy happiness"? That's totally bullshit, you asshole". Faktanya, uang sudah berhasil membeli some parts of my happiness.


Diketik pagi hari, saat emosi menyebabkan rasa sedih tak terperi *lebay* *biar berima*

September 12th, 2015. Yep. I was officially graduated.

The graduation ceremony started at 7 am, exactly, in the morning. I got the first period of this odd semester's graduation. There were 1,058 students in the ballroom and I could see that all of us were having over-happy face expressions that explicitly shout out to the world, "Wohooooo! we are finally graduated from this super messy university! we are no longer suffering ourselves just for finding a space in parking slots for our motorcycles! We are no longer being pathetic witnesses of all the non-human activities caused by the principals and this year batch's 13,000 students! Thank God!!!!"

The graduation went well. Before it finished I have got lots of messages and missed calls from my best friends telling that they were waiting me in front of my faculty. How lovely :')

Before I went to my faculty, like the other graduated students, I spent time taking pictures with my family. Yes, taking pictures with the painting of library's bookshelf as the background.

Pardon the over makeup.

"Dear Mom and Dad, thank you for all the super struggling sweats you sincerely made every seconds, during these 18 years, just for making sure that I could keep studying at school. I could type no words to describe how I feel everytime I look at this photo and stare at your faces. Dear my sister, thank you for being very annoying and stubborn. I know you have lots of tremendous plans for your future, and don't worry, I will always be the one who support you so much when everyone drags you down"

The distance between the graduation ballroom and my faculty was far enough. Far enough when the sun shone brightly and you decided to walk with wearing 9 cm wedges and a traditional jarit. But, I really felt that the scout-adventure-like walk was worth it  after I saw them standing awkwardly in front of my faculty just for waiting for me:

Left to right: Minyul, I, Ghea

 "A 10 year togetherness can be counted as an everlasting friendship. We lately don't meet each other quite often but, once we do, we only need to look at each other's face expression when the other asks 'How are you' to completely figure out what has been happening. Minyuuul, Gheaaa thank you so much for the fucking amazing bouqette!!"

left to right: Uyun, Desfri, Ceri, I, Gum, Galuh

"How should I tell you about these girls? I can say that high school bestfriends are all holly-shit idiots and nuts, and, they are. Researchers state that when someone gets into new environment and interact in it for such a long time, he/she will change. Thus, people change everytime. I do admit that I have turned into a completely different woman by the time I got into my university life. But I do admit that I can't refrain my own self to automatically turn myself back into my high-school self when I am with them. It has been 5 years but it is so surprising that we are still having the same taste of humor"

a stubborn but super funny bestfriend: Mas Iqbal

"I honestly was quite surprised when he could come to my graduation day since he has been back to his hometown and is so busy with his job. When I saw him, I just wanted to jump and hug him but since it's forbidden, I could only hold his hand and smile. I could clearly see through his face, the way he gazed, the way his eyes looked and stared at, showing that he's tired. Thank you for coming to my graduation day. Your presence is truly a gift :)"

A sibling and a bestfriend: Wika

"I have been hitchhiking to her since we were in the 4th semester in university. I didn't ask her to do that, she kindheartedly wanted it. We recently found out that we are siblings, we have the same grand grandfather. After that, she kept telling this pathetic fact to our friends while I was busy rejecting what she stated. In that photo above, you could clearly see that I have happy-and-sad face expression. I was happy that you could come to my graduation day although you're late (as usual). But I was also very sad that, after we spent 8 months together working on our thesis in the library, I failed to help and motivate you more. You should know that everything we did together; the companion, the laugh, the talk, the stupid behaviors, are all priceless to me. I do hope you could be graduated this semester. Fight!"

Left to right: Briza, Mas Iqbal, I, Alfian (up), Chory, Wika (down), Merrys, Nurul, Yufan, Haykal (down)

"All in all, thank you so much for coming guys! I do love the gifts. Plus, I never expected that I am loved this much. Best wishes for each of you :)"

 "I got all I need when I got you and I

I look around me and see a sweet life

I am stuck in the dark but you are my flashlight

You are getting me, getting me, through the night

Kick start my heart when you shine it in my eyes

Can't lie, it is a sweet life"

Well, it's been a little while since my last post.
My undergraduate thesis acted like 3 months baby girl to me. You know what I mean.
But thank God, now I've got another 3 months baby girl. Her name is Unemployed.
So this little baby girl keeps whining all the time forcing myself to look for her father. Yeah. What a life.

Let's straight to the point.

For those who have met me in real life, I am sure you do see the condition of one of my front tooth. For those who have met me and have talked to my father at least two times, I am sure you do know how I always feel regarding to that front tooth condition. For those who are luckier, I am sure you know how that front tooth ended up that way.

Yesterday, a company called me for an interview. SO today, I decided to go to the dentist. I don't have enough money to choose the best choice the doctor gave. I could only choose the not-so-good-but-good choice which allows me to survive in this "new return" for max. 2 months. But that's okay. I am so sure I can choose the best choice very soon.

see the strange thing?

You probably think: What for?. You probably feel: are you serious? mek sak mene tok a mentalmu?

I don't give a fuck of what you think and/or feel.


"Hahaha untune pothol on" (that's how my friends expressed their happiness a day after I got that fucking accident)
"untumu gak iso biasa ae a yo?"
"mesem.o ae sas, ojok ngguyu. Ayuan mesem awakmu. Temenan a"

Those are only 3 out of hundred statements I always get in 22 years.

You probably think, "ya udah sih ngapain juga ditanggepin/makan ati" or "halah kan mek guyon"

Oh lol! Hey dude, talk is cheap.

Whatever you think of me, I can only say, you know nothing about me. I am so sure you can't be as strong as I am. You can't even be as steady as I am. Let me be arrogant. Because you will never understand me. You know nothing about what I feel.

When you claim that you do understand me, you're gonna comprehend when I say "I do this, because I want to get back to my real self. I am so tired of being this fake person"

When you read this post, you are a family of mine. You are a close friend of mine. You are the best friend of mine.

When you consider yourself as my truly family and/or best friend and/or close friend, you're gonna understand..that I am apparently that exhausted, fragile...and terrible.

March 28^th 2015.

I was officially 22 years. Ha ha ha.

I do remember when it was my 19^th birthday, the first person who said “Happy Birthday to You” was the DVD Rental shop I subscribed. How lovely. Whoever its staff, who sent me that Happy Birthday text message, I love you. But who knows that was just an automatic text message? How perfectly pathetic.

This year’s birthday was actually as bad as the 19^th. I understand that was a carma. A cute carma for me. Because last year, I forgot most all of my bestfriends' birthdays. They all complained me. They were all mad at me. I am so sorry, dear bestfriends.

So, the first who said happy birthday to me was Martin. How could he remember? Isn’t that amazing? No. He was online on Skype and Skype never forgets to give birthday reminder. The second person was my cute deskmate in high school, Galuh. We aren't really close actually, but we are kind of an everlasting deskmate who always sincerely help each other during the nightmare of the exams. The third person was Parth. It was so surprising that he called me from that super far away country which I believe he had to pay expensive enough. It was an amazing call, thank you :)

For you information, until noon I only got three happy birthdays. I was so sad. I didn’t know that carma hurt that much. How about my mother? She did not do that. It’s not her thing. Besides, everytime I complain her why she doesn’t say happy birthday to me, she always answers like this: “Oh my God..How could you think of me that way? I always pray for you more than 5 times a day, every single day. How could you complain me that way?” And I can only hug and kiss her. Father? He won't say before my mother says. What a sweet couple.

13:30 PM

When I was babysitting my cute niece, I saw some people in front of the house. I came to them and I could clearly see one of them hiding behind my cousin’s car. I didn’t know what he was doing. Then here that came..a failed surprise arranged by Nadia, Wika, Elva, Mas Iqbal and Alfian. The one who hid behind the car was mas Iqbal, he was carrying a small birthday cake which later on was conquered by Elva. I thought she didn’t eat for a week or so.

After take several silly self pictures, we talked and laughed for almost 1.5 hours. It was heavily raining and we could not go outside. So I decided to cook a big bowl of spaghetti for them which later on was attacked by Nadia. Before she went home, she thanked me so much that I helped her for her breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time.

Dear mas Iqbal, thank you so much for sacrificing your energy, money and time, leaving from Sidoarjo to Malang just for surprising me.

Dear Wika and Elva, thank you so much for always be my library of life.

Dear Nadia, thank you for the failed surprise. Sorry that I messed it up. But seriously, that’s totally a failure hahaha! But please, please don’t bore yourself to give me the other failed surprises. I think I start to love it, indeed.

Dear Alfian, thank you so much for your abnormal appearance in my birthday. To be honest, I do feel that I am mad at you since you suddenly left my house without saying anything to me. I was Cooking the spaghetti For You and you treated me like a douchebag. Even if I was not important, you should say something to my parents before you left. but you didn't. It was my birthday. It occurred only once a year. How could you be that rude?

Dear a bestfriend who directly declared that you wanted to take revenge because I forgot your birthday, thank you so much. I am so sorry. I even didn’t know that you were hospitalized for a week few days ago. I know I make everything worse. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. I am so sorry.

Dear family and all friends who finally said happy birthday to me, thank you so much :)

I may not receive happy birthdays as many as several years ago. I may be getting older and change. But now I do know what I am struggling for and whom I am spending the hard labor days with.

will you believe that I was wearing a short pant?

Sore hari ini, hujan turun sangat deras. Saya, Wilongko dan Elisugigi (bukan nama sebenarnya) sedang berusaha membekap diri dengan jas anti air karena nantinya kami akan menabuh genderang perang dan membusungkan dada kami, untuk menerjang jutaan tangisan malaikat tak bernyawa itu. 

Wilongko dan saya memilih untuk mengendarai satu kuda. Dan Wilongko saya dapuk untuk mengendalikan kuda tersebut. Saya beruntung, karena Wilongko, membawa 2 jas anti air. Namun sayang seribu sayang, Wilongko lebih memilih untuk tetap tampil stylish daripada berbesar hati mengalah dengan saya. Dia tetap bersikukuh mengenakan jas anti air two suits dan saya dengan sangat terpaksa dan ikhlas serta bertawakal kepada Tuhan untuk menggunakan jas anti air lowo. Elisugigi baik-baik saja. Walaupun ternyata setelah setengah perjalanan dia baru menyadari bahwa celananya basah karena jas anti air two suitsnya robek di bagian tak senonoh. 

Kemanakah saya, Wilongko dan Elisugigi sebenarnya? Mengapa kami berusaha mati-matian menerjang badai balada tangisan malaikat tak bernyawa di sore hari?

Pernah nggak sih kalian ngerasa kalau sebenernya rel kereta itu benda yang paling sedih di dunia ini?

Tiap detik, tiap menit, tiap jam, tiap hari, tiap minggu, tiap bulan, tiap tahun, pagi, siang, malam, setiap waktu..harus selalu bersedia jadi kacungnya gerbong kereta.

Hem, sebenernya bukan ini yang pengen aku post tapi well, tangan udah gatel banget buat cepet-cepet ngetik dan nyeritain suatu hal ke kalian. Suatu hal yang seharusnya private tapi karena aku mangkel jadi meskipun ini HARUSNYA jadi sesuatu yang private tapi aku pikir sesuatu yang private ini cukup layak untuk jadi sesuatu hal yang #DuniaHarusTauBrooo! *kamu capek bacanya, I know*

Pertengahan Juni 2013. Sangat tertanam kuat di hati dan pikiran, Rapat Besar Perdana ESC 2013. Bisa kalian bayangkan, seorang aku, dipilih jadi ketua pelaksana lomba sebesar dan seberat itu. Lomba debat, speech, dan stortel bahasa Inggris SMA/Univ se-Jawa Timur dan Bali. Bayangkan, AKU JADI KAPELNYA. Bayangkan, SE-JATIM DAN BALI. Bayangkan! Sedih kan?

I say I am busy when I : have several tasks to be done, have some deadlines, have some events to be done, have to help my mother. ALL DAY LONG.

You say u are busy when you: get on your Skype and Facebook and another social networks, upload lots of your "I hang out every day" photos and share lots of stupid links. ALL DAY LONG.

Entah mengapa aku sungguh enggan untuk mengingat-ingat hari ini, memikirkan kembali semua yang terjadi hari ini. Aku sungguh benc!

Semoga terjadi! Pasti terjadi kok sebenernya, tapi nggak tau kapan hehe!

Penasaran kan? Pengen banget kepoin aku kan? Jangan lupa follow @salsabilasasmi ya! :)

Jadi ceritanya, dalam beberapa bulan ini aku udah emmm..sekitar tiga kali mimpi ular.

Gara-gara keseringan nonton video song covernya Walk Off The Earth, dan tergila-gila oleh kejeniusan si Gianni Luminati dalam bermain musik, pada suatu malam, 5 menit setelah selesai pipis, aku mendapat ilham untuk belajar bermain gitar. Kenapa gitar? Kenapa nggak seruling? Kenapa nggak kendang kempul? Karena yang available di rumah cuma gitar. Kenapa nggak keyboard? Karena keyboard di rumahku sudah menjadi separuh jiwanya bapak.

Berikut adalah cuplikan wawancara salah seorang reporter televisi swasta (yang sedang meliput musibah banjir di Jakarta) dengan seorang warga yang bersikukuh untuk tetap membuka tokonya meski banjir masih melanda kawasan tersebut

reporter : "Selamat siang bapak, bapak namanya siapa?" *sambil menyodorkan gambas mikrofon*

narasumber : "Siang, saya Haji K*** Mu**"

reporter : "Siapa pak?"

narasumber : "Haji K*** Mu**"

reporter : "Baik pak, hari ini kenapa bapak memilih berjualan kates tetap membuka toko?"

 - Penasaran dengan percakapan mereka selanjutnya? klik disini -

Jalan Bandung saat pagi hari

Gara-gara tadi pagi pas jogging hampir keserempet motor, kali ini aku mencoba menguak lebih dalam, dan memuntahkan segala muntahan yang akan termuntahkan ke dalam sebaskom kata-kata selandep bodheng. Intinya, aku ingin menyampaikan kekecewaan dan kekesalanku, bahkan mungkin kekecewaan dan kekesalan semua orang yang tinggal di daerah jalan Bandung; semua orang yang berkantor di daerah jalan Bandung; atau semua orang yang harus melewati jalan Bandung untuk menuju suatu tempat, khususnya pada pukul 7 pagi dan pukul 1 siang. 

Berdasarkan lagu yang dinyanyikan oleh Lolita diatas, ALay adalah singkatan dari Anak Layangan, dikatakan anak layangan karena mungkin dia sering bermain layang-layang baik siang maupun sore hari sehingga menyebabkan rambut mereka berwarna merah dan kulit kusam (bahasa Jawa-nya mblekawus, mbambes, mblendhes, dan banyak lainnya), sama seperti yang dialami oleh anak-anak yang suka nongkrong di perempatan jalan untuk ngamen dan minta-minta uang setiap lampu merah. Namun, layaknya antivirus Smadav yang terus-terusan harus di-upgrade, beberapa tahun terakhir ini, kata alay telah memiliki arti yang superluas seluas samudra Hindia!

Bisa dikatakan alay, jika kamu menggunakan kata-kata dengan huruf-huruf yang seharusnya -bahkan dengan kombinasi angka yang diklaim memiliki bentuk hampir sama dengan huruf-huruf tertentu- tidak perlu ada dalam kata-kata tersebut. Mau contoh? ini dia! *disarankan untuk menyiapkan mental dengan membakar dupo di klentheng terdekat sebelum melihat dan membaca foto dibawah ini!*

Bisa dikatakan alay, jika kamu berfoto dengan menggunakan pose-pose tertentu yang bikin orang lain ngakak, gerah, risih, muntah, atau nge-unfollow kamu (follow @salsabilasasmi ya!) ketika mereka melihat fotomu. mau contoh lagi? *nggak akan memperingatkan kamu lagi, kamu bebal sih!*

Masih kuat baca? oke! Gimana sih ciri-ciri anak alay itu? Cukup pencet tombol power TV kalian lalu pilih channel tertentu pada rentang waktu pukul 8 hingga 10 pagi. Tunggu 15 menit, kocok, panaskan dengan suhu 75 Fahrenheit, lalu tuangkan secara merata pada muka anda. Kamu bisa menemukan beberapa stasiun tv yang menyiarkan acara musik yang sarat akan penonton yang bisa dikatakan alay!

Oke, setelah aku bawa kamu ke langit ke tujuh dan menertawakan perilaku para alay di muka bumi ini, mari kita kembali kepada diri kita, kembali ke jiwa kita masing-masing. Putar otakmu sebanyak 15 kali dengan kisaran 37,5 derajat sejauh 5 km. Pernahkah kamu melakukan sesuatu di masa lalu, yang jika kamu pikirkan lagi secara baik-baik, muncul celetukan "Duuh lapo se aku biyen koyok ngono?", "Ck, harusnya aku nggak perlu memilih cara itu untuk menyelesaikan masalah se-sepele itu", "Aku dulu kok gitu banget ya? padahal kalo aku gini pasti aku masih ginigitu". Cobalah tenggelam lebih dalam, ketika kalian SD, SMP, atau mungkin SMA, kamu bersama beberapa teman membuat sebuah geng *dengan nama alay tentunya* kemudian pada suatu waktu kamu bentrok dengan -sebut saja- Cuplis, salah satu anggota geng *yang namanya tidak kalah alay* lainnya karena si Cuplis merebut jajanan favoritmu, seplastik Ribut berkadar MSG tinggi setinggi angkasa seharga 500 rupiah, yang kala itu tinggal 1 bungkus di kantin sekolah. Kalian bertengkar hebat, mulai twit war sampe labrak-labrakan di belakang pasar. Akhirnya setelah melakukan diskusi antar geng yang cukup alot sealot ontong panggang, kamu dan Cuplis dikeluarkan dari geng masing-masing demi nama baik ibu kantin penjual jajan ribut tersebut. Kemudian kalian meutuskan untuk berhenti sekolah dan berjualan kates. Udah alay belum ceritaku?

Kembali lagi ke jiwamu. Dengan tulus ikhlas, qonaah, mawadah, warrohmah, akuilah bahwa aku, kamu, kalian, kita semua, pernah mengalami masa-masa alay. Alay itu bukan selamanya milik golongan tertentu, alay itu bukan virus, alay itu bukan sesuatu hina, alay itu bukan yang harus kita hindari. Alay itu sebuah paradigma terpopuler di Indonesia (FYI diluar negeri nggak ada bule yang dibilang alay waktu mereka posting foto dengan gaya emo atau foto dengan posisi kamera diatas kepala). Aku jgagh 5eTuju B4n9getsz sama teori Raditya Dika yang bilang kalo alay itu bagian dari masa pertumbuhan kita, Bayi-anak-remaja-alay-dewasa. Jadi, sebaiknya nggak perlu deh kamu bilang "duh ualay on arek iki" ketika kamu lihat di timeline ada temen meng-upload foto dengan ciri-ciri seperti foto mas-mas berambut klimis diatas. Karena bisa aja, bagi orang-orang yang ada di sekitar kamu, kamu masih dalam fase alay lebay serta jijay. Jadi, tetaplah seperti orang yang tertidur di bis, makin ngantuk makin merunduk. Tapi jangan khawatir, semakin sering kamu mengingat masa lalu dan menyimpulkan bahwa kamu alay, maka itulah momen termanis dalam hidupmu! Karena itu tandanya kamu telah semakin bertambah dewasa dalam menyikapi sesuatu hal. Tentunya dibarengi dengan keinginan serta kemauan kuat untuk meperbaiki diri agar menjadi makhluk Tuhan yang lebih baik dong ya! Mari kita introspeksi diri!